The Mouthy Mommas: Plain Jane

Dear Mouthy Mommas,

My husband works with a bunch of horny ass women that are all reading the 50 Shades triology. After badgering me to death (assumably because he has heard so much about the damn book and he wanted to get lucky) I finally gave in and got the series.

I loved it! No wonder all these women are so horny!

My husband and I have been married for 15 years and although I think we have a great sexual relationship, in reading these books I've learned we are quite vanilla. I even had to google some of the stuff to learn what they were talking about in the book! We haven't tried most of that stuff... even talking in bed (sexually) is a bit of a stretch for us other than the usual moans.

SO... how do I go about talking about possibly experimenting with some of this stuff? It seems so weird, we talk about EVERYTHING else (and other's sex stories!) but I'm not terribly confident to bring it up to him.

Any suggestive ice breakers?

Plain Jane

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Janie, Janie, Janie,

Yes, we can help! You have turned to the right group!

First off, if you have been married for 15 years and still consider yourselves "vanilla lovers", it is time girlfriend for you to get off the pot! If your man hasn't tried to convince you of other stuff I can almost guarantee you that he's thinking about it! Maybe you happened to marry the 1% of men on the planet that doesn't think about sex 24 / 7 with everyone and anyone?! Congratulations to you!

For starters, this doesn't have to be so confrontational. Start slow. The next time you are under the covers together (presumably with the lights off, half clothed and shades drawn), whisper something in his ear. Anything. Make it simple. "Oh baby, I want you". See, simple. Nothing to racy, but if both of you aren't accustomed to that foreplay it will most certainly raise his flag... I mean attention.

50 Shades actually can help you with this scenario. Use it to your advantage! When the kids go to bed (assuming you have any) tell him you have just GOT to share with him what happened to Ana and Christian in the last chapter. You just cannot BELIEVE it! Act seriously shocked (but be careful not to act appalled, especially if it is something you want to try. He may infer you DON'T want to try it if you go overboard!

Read it to him. Give him a smile. Say simply "that sounds kinda interesting, fun, exceptional, exhillerating..." insert fave word there. Get flirty... it really will work to your advantage! Smack him on the hiney in the kitchen and tell him you have great plans for Saturday night. Or something along those lines. Let him know you are GAME to try it!

He obviously is a nice guy to have not pushed you by now. He may need a little confidence nudge to know it's okay to proceed into the "dark world" together. Come on over, sister... it's FUN here!

Oh - and one more thing. This is important. When in your bed (or your car, or the rocking chair, or the stairs), remember somewhere in your tryst to whisper to him that complete and utter trust and privacy is withheld in your marriage. Make sure knows you have no intention of blabbing about your adventures. The more he trusts you will keep it in the bed (or the chair, or the car or the stairs) the more adventureous he will become with you. Men struggle with vulnerability so he has to trust you aren't going to out him in front of his friends.

To quote a line from "What Happens In Vegas"...

"I really appreciate all the things you are trying with my butt."
~ Jason Sudeikis as Mason